I QUIT! (stories of December)

In one of his sermon, Steven Furtick made this statement..."your conclusion is always dependent on your beliefs." a statement I wish I heard back in 2017 when I started working in one of the prominent real estate companies in Kenya. 

Well, it was not all that back then, see it was a new company with a really foreign concept of 0% interest that people were a bit skeptical about. To be honest, I wasn't utterly convinced either...but turns out, people are moneyed and willing to take risks out here.

 No clue whatsoever about real estate, mediocre skills, low self-esteem, broke to the bone, squatting at my sister’s  who also wasn't doing that well either, constant migraine and a very unstable blood sugar level... I fainted at least twice every week and to add it all up...the working condition wasn't all that too...I mean the office was too small, no seats and we were sometimes forced to share computers...weuh!

Day by day, we made the best out of the situation... I took it one day at a time, and then, a couple of months later the company "omokad" and we moved to this state of the art space...damn that office is magnificent! I thought things would become better...but apparently when you grow challenges grow too!

Honestly, this office space was the real deal!

 

We were no longer the closely knit team who would joke and laugh, rules changed, management became...well the ‘management’, the office became a jungle where survival is for the fittest, every man for himself, God for us all and like always the lions thrived and the antelope...well the antelope...I was one of the antelope that got lucky, because I escaped the lions claws for 3 years! 

I don't know about the rest, but, my daily morning prayer was, please God don’t let me get fired today! I was always running to beat a deadline, each day, new conditions, new rules...I hate rules, new complains...my work was never "good" enough. And just like that the belief that the management was out to get me plus a thousand other toxicity and negativity slowly settled in my heart and thus all my conclusion were all negative!

I always gave a negative conclusion to every situation. when I was reprimanded, I felt it was unfair, when I was commended I felt it was malicious, when someone smiled at me, I wondered what evil plan they were concocting in their heads, when a new staff was recruited I felt they were coming for my position! Lord! There was always this negative uneasy hovering presence on my back that really left me flustered!

That constant feeling that someone is watching...waiting for to slip and make a mistake!

Being negative is one thing...but I soon became delusional, I only believed what I wanted to believe which is even worse...everything was morally going wrong but I was too stubborn to admit it, I mean my skills were improving and I had a job and a salary...what more could I ask for!

I got promoted and demoted twice… and that’s when I realized, management is not my cup of tea, I simply hated being a manager mostly because my position held no water, I mean what’s the point of being a boss with tied hands?

My attitude was the worst! I always felt like I needed to defend myself so a simple conversation would turn into an argument…If Kavaki (former colleague) read this, he would flip because he always told me this but I was too busy fighting truth with my delusion.

 

Attitude shapes beliefs, beliefs determine conclusions.

At one point I almost went to see a shrink because I thought I had depression…no honey! It was just my negative belief and attitude eating me up.

I woke up one day and I knew, I didn’t want to work in that company anymore! I was done! It took a lot of convincing, I mean the number of times I went back and forth with the idea of resigning, always postponing it because what if…what if I don’t get another job, what if I am not good enough, what if, what if, what if! I eventually got the courage to write the resignation letter and after I sent it…I knew there was no turning back!

If you ask me today why I quit…my justifiable answer would sound like a Wikipedia expose you know the boring stuff like…oh I was not growing, too much negativity, my boss this…my boss that yada yada! But what is the real reason why I quit?

There is a carp fish in Japan known as the Koi fish, this fish rapidly grows especially in a its early years, so if you keep it in an aquarium, it will gradually become too big for it , so naturally it is kept in ponds and not in aquariums, unless you have a king size aquarium… Just like the Koi fish, I think I out grew the aquarium and it was getting too uncomfortable so I had to move out in search of large waters!

Koi fish

My work space wasn’t toxic…I just had toxic beliefs! Looking back, my skills wouldn’t be nearly as good as they are today without those 3 years! With that said, can anything good really come out of toxic… I guess not! I don’t regret quitting, but I also don’t disregard those 3 years!

What I’m trying to say is, change your beliefs and your conclusions will be better, lets pursue those positive conclusions!

Thanks for stopping by
Stay positive!