To hell with perfection! (Stories of December)

The truth is I have been running for a long time. Chasing dreams which seem to retreat each time I take a step closer, societal norms, age limits, and whatnot. Running away from failure which always seems to catch up. Away from reality that stings more than hunger pains… constantly thirsty, I still want more no matter how much I drink. Chasing my own tail… a never-ending pursuit of an enigma labeled perfection!

The story of the Samaritan woman at the well suddenly makes complete sense now!

I have lived a life pursuing perfection… I wanted to be perfect; everybody does (don’t they) I always thought I had to know what to say, always have a plan B, C if possible have plans all the way to Z, what to wear, where to go, how to sit when to let go and when to hold on, all my whys had to have answers…catch me dead doing anything morally wrong, in fact, the main reason I never tried alcohol is because I always want to be cautious and aware of my surrounding.

My pursuit for perfection has gotten me here…lost and confused! Everything I thought I knew or I believed in is now just a distant blur and I’ve had it, to hell with perfection!

What’s so wrong about not knowing what I want now, about wanting something now and not wanting it tomorrow?  What’s so wrong about airing my convictions today without thinking of tomorrow…because for Pete’s sake I can’t see beyond my closed door! What’s so ugly about my tears that I have to shed them in secret… what is so wrong about me showing my vulnerability. How long do you think I can …you can last hiding behind the perfect façade?

What if… and this is a big what if because this paragraph is going to be full of things nearly impossible to unanimously agree with (a girl can dream)…what if I say I am on Queen Vashti side (refer to the book of Esther) How many of you Christians will descend on me with countless proverbs on a virtuous woman? Vashti is portrayed as everything a Christian woman should never be…but reading the story again and again and I can’t get my mind off the fact that she was merely going to be paraded for her beauty in front of hundreds of drunk, sweaty, and obviously lewd men… come on! I mean I love queen Esther and all…but maybe I would just consider naming my daughter Vashti which by the way means beautiful/lovely/goodness… but no, I already feel the judging nudges this would inflict on my poor little unborn girl … touché’!

What if I can speak my mind just like this without fear of retribution, what if we stop judging people based on a WhatsApp status, or the length of their skirts…what if we leave single ladies above 30 alone…I mean what do we know about the biological clock with women like Sarah and Mary being preached every Sunday.!  So Paul from finance is 27 and still lives with his parents and Nelson from IT loves baking what’s wrong with that! Slim, fat, black, white purple…we all take a dump at the end of the day and nobody poops perfume.

Maybe we don’t have to have it…actually; we don’t really have to have it all together. If we indeed had it all figured out then grace will be pointless and I know God never came up with anything pointless…so then should we do nothing and stop pursuing good things altogether, no, but working towards perfection with a “I can make my plans but God has the final say” attitude and fully understanding that nobody has all their baggage fully sorted out…don’t be swayed by your Instagram feed. The beauty of life is everybody is struggling with something and that’s why we need each other…need I remind you of the tower of babel?

Well, this escalated fast, but my point is…there is no such thing as perfect people, perfect life, perfect…anything! God never intended for worry to eat up man…but our self-imposed standard is what makes us pursue something that even God never demanded from us- perfection! We take refuge under him because he is a perfect God in love with his imperfect creation. And under his wings, we are perfected through faith…isn’t that profound?

 

Thanks for stopping by, have an imperfectly perfect holiday!