I want my life back!

There is a time we go through issues that we don't feel like sharing because we subconsciously strive to show the strong version of ourselves.In so doing we create an illusion that we have it all figured out, which is a real confidence boost. But, sharing the struggles, I believe ,is courage and a doorway to healing. This poem, hopeless as it may sound...for me, it's a step towards gaining courage!


I feel like a shell
Owning my body but totally unable to control it
Lost in the crowd, nothing to do but follow the flow
Eyes open but barely able to see
Hearing all, but listening to none
Breathing in, but always out of breath
Breathing out but still chocking on my own breath
smelling but not distinguishing the scent
Speaking but mostly empty words
Muttering, mumbling, whispering, but never making sense
Senseless speech, filling my every conversation
Upright standing but always in a whirlwind
Shaken to the core by the confusion of my unreasonable quest
Numb and cold, I feel stuck
Moving in circles...or I'm I just mark timing... I don't know anymore
But still I move... and when I do
I move not because I want to, but because it is the mundane thing to do
I can't recognize my hands anymore
I don't feel whatever they touch, smooth, rough... it's all the same to me
Holding too tight as the bleeding from my grasp draining me dry
There is a smile on my face... but it might as well be a representation of my cracked soul
I want my life back
Turns out, I have been chasing my tail all through
Weary from my own shameless greed
I want my life back...
But I am afraid I have wondered far too off from the path
How do I go back?
So this is it...rock bottom? Boy! Its pitch black in here!!
Lord, how do I get out?

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                                               Stay Positive!