Doubt

Hey peeps, (sounds better when you picture me saying it out loud). I took a long unnecessary break from writing because I let circumstances overwhelm me… let’s not get into that today though.

My June is…or was (July is just 2 days away) a roller coaster of experiences that were both heart wrenching and mind opening.  Long story short, I got conned twice, lost all my life savings, lost my phone and the shoes I am wearing in the picture below  (sentimental value) and then I got demoted at work and I am still trying to find  my self esteem which  literally crawled out of me to oblivion…tsk tsk!

I dont really have a caption for this picture, I just added it for the shoes...hehe!

I broke into painful little pieces and I am not sure how I am going to bounce back again, but deep down within the shambles in my heart I know  God is intentional… everything he does is so systematic and planned and always, ALWAYS for our good.  I still can’t figure out how anything good could come out of these occurrences, but hey, who knew anything good would come out of Nazareth until Jesus happened?

Moving on…I have never liked the Bible apps  simply because they keep updating, with all stories going round about how Bible app creators  omit and change some verses, I get skeptical! I mean what are you updating…Judas buying new sandals??? Anyway, I decided to try out the app and whatever compelled me, I still can’t explain! (Or can I?)

The app I downloaded (for free) from play store had so much content its mind blowing!! From giving you daily verses to study topic, study plans and authors of almost every topic… I sound like I am marketing the app… so yeah, it’s a cool app! The first week using the app, the daily verses were so seamlessly connected… I…I just don’t know what to say:

Basically the message for the entire week was… hey daughter I am a holy God, there is no else who will love you more than I do, I am your rock, you can fall on me anytime and as solid as the rock is, so is my love for you! I am dependable, intentional and my eyes are always upon you if you fear my word and revere me and depend on my unfailing love, my unfailing mercy (psalms 33:18). All you have to do is seek my kingdom, stop worrying about what is and what is not, just seek me and when you do you will find me and all other things will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33), you  won’t  have to worry about anything at all. I know it’s hard and you probably feel like giving up well don’t the glory that is going to be revealed through you is nothing compared to the suffering of today (Romans 8:18)! Trust me I am always with you no matter what even in the tempest storm, the waters will never sweep you or in the flames you will not be scotched (Isaiah 43:3).So quit worrying and depend on me (mic drop)

Mind blowing, right? This was clearly a preparation for what was to follow, but did I stay assured? No! Like John, I took the first few steps on the water, but the sounds of the waves swallowed my confidence and I begun sinking. Voices from within told me …THIS IS HOW YOU DIE… and my focus shifted from God, who reaffirmed his love for me just the other day and I focused on the storm…had he not reached out and held my hand…hmm!

In one of their songs Just be held casting crowns sang if your eyes are on the storm you’ll always wonder if I love you still, but if your eyes are on the cross you’ll know I always have and I always will…so how many times do we shift our focus and still ask God if he sees our suffering? How many times has he yelled…be still and we ignored? Has he ever gone against his own word?

I don’t have a completely figured out conclusion…but what I know, is doubt is our greatest undoing and most times it comes from within us.

Thanks for stopping by, stay positive!